Everyone tends to talk about storms and rain as pictures of something negative. I never understood that. Rain is beautiful. It’s cool, cleaning, refreshing, reviving. Without water, there is no life. So I never thought rain was a bad thing. Recently I’ve been in a desert of sorts. So many things in my personal life seem so dry, dead, and hopeless. Rain. Rain is all I want. Just a few drops of clean, cool water to rinse away some of the dust and give me a chance to breathe. But rain never comes. There’s always just enough seemingly stagnant water showing up at just the right moment to keep me alive.
Still I stand. I stand and raise my hands high to praise God. I know it’s only by His grace that I can stand here at all. I force myself to thank Him. I choose to believe He has a good purpose. I train my heart to trust even in this. Still… I can’t help but wonder. I see so many people around me so full of joy. It can’t all be pretending. There must be more to this life than just struggling to make it through each day. I can’t believe Jesus was willing to come and walk the earth just so we could have the chance to limp along beside Him. There must be more.
Lord, what would it take for me to feel alive again? What am I doing wrong? How can so many months go by like this? I just need a few cleansing drops of the water of Your Spirit… a momentary brush from Your healing hand… just to touch the hem of Your robe… but it all eludes me. I read Your Word. I pray. And it feels like words on a page and petitions made to the ceiling. I lift my head, despite the pain and exhaustion. I look up, forcing my heart to hope. And what do I get? Another face-full of burning, stinging sand.
Will the sandstorm never stop? How long do you expect me to keep walking through this? I don’t have the strength… but then I never did. I already said I’m only standing by Your grace. And I guess that means You’re still here with me, whether or not I feel it or see Your hand working.