Well, this week has been insane. Because I’m taking the SAT on Saturday morning, I’ve spent the entire week totally stressed out. There have been a few wonderful moments of peace, but overall, I’ve been too busy studying and worrying to think about much of anything else. Well, tonight I had a problem. I was finished. I’d gone through all of my study materials and practice tests. Of course, at first glance, that’s not a bad thing. If I’d done all I could do to prepare, I could relax a little, knowing that I was ready, right? Wrong. I didn’t feel ready. At all.
I’d been doing a few things online to get my mind off of everything, but I realized that I’d just been sitting there, staring blankly at the computer screen for quite a while. I was beginning to get frustrated when it suddenly clicked. Restlessness. That was what I was feeling. I’ve had a nasty case of spring fever this year, and being inside studying constantly had been messing me up. So I decided to go for a walk.
Grabbing a sweater, a notebook and pen, and my Bible, I set out. For about half an hour, I wandered the neighborhood discontentedly. I tried to pray, but I couldn’t focus. I tried humming some old hymns, but I couldn’t remember the words. Finally, as I was getting near home again, my thoughts settled into one song, the hymn Be Thou My Vision. I sang through all five verses twice, and everything seemed to come into focus. I’d been concentrating on all the wrong things. Instead of praying for help on the test, I started praying that I could focus on Him and rely on Him for help. So here I find myself, finally feeling more peaceful, sitting to rest, think, and write on my own front porch. Verse five of Be Thou My Vision really catches my attention right now…
O High King of heaven, when battle is done
Grant heaven’s joy to me, bright heaven’s Son
Christ of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all
I love how it says “when battle is done,” not “when battle is won.” Regardless of the outcome, we can still have joy. He needs to remain the most important part of our lives “whatever befall”… in good or bad, success or failure, He’s still there. He’s still the same. He still loves us.
No matter what score I get on Saturday, He knows what He’s doing. If I’m supposed to go to college, He’ll get me there no matter how I do. He’s got my entire life planned out, and His plan is so much more wondrous than anything I could ever dream of. Although I still need to do my best, the outcome is His to determine, not mine. I’ll still be nervous. I’d still like to do well. But in this, as in all things, I need to say with conviction, “Thy will be done.”