The last couple of days have been really hard, even though there was nothing unusual going on in my life. What made everything seem so wrong was that a good friend of mine, someone I love like a sister, found out that her brother has cancer. I don’t even know her brother, but I love her, and I could tell how hard it was for her. I spent hours talking to her, trying to help, and feeling helpless. I prayed that I could take just a little bit of the pain away from her, even if that meant taking it on myself. Well, that was a prayer God answered.
A couple days ago, I stayed up pretty late talking to her. She was really down, and I was doing anything and everything to help her. With God’s help, I was able to help her some, and she even stayed in a slightly better mood some of the next day. But I was dead. I was totally worn out and depressed out of my mind. I spent the day in emotional agony, and managed to get myself sick on top of it. My family was insanely busy, and I had the house pretty much to myself after I got off work.
I was online talking to some friends, and almost everyone seemed down. The farther into the day I got, the more depressed I was. My wonderful friends kept trying to cheer me up, to pull me out of it, but it just hurt too much. One thing about me, I’m a very weird teenage girl. I internalize things. My parents think I’m not really emotional at all. Most of all, I don’t cry. Over the last five years, I’ve cried on average about once every six months. Well, the more time I spent hurting, the more things were building up. One friend in particular told me that I needed to cry, and started trying to convince me that it would be okay. We spent about two hours talking about crying. Eventually he convinced me that I did need to cry, but I couldn’t. I’ve taught myself to keep it all in, and that’s not something you can just turn off.
I spent several hours sleeping fitfully, I needed rest desperately, but was too worried and sick to really sleep. Then, I went back to talking to people. By then it was about eight at night. By nine, I had given up because I couldn’t stand the glare off the screen. If I give up my computer, something is definitely wrong with me. My best friend got off of work a little after ten, and came to see me. She was so loving and comforting and encouraging. She is one of the most wonderful, caring people I know, and she was doing everything she could to help me. It really did mean the world to me, even though it didn’t pull me out of my depression. A little later, I got a phone call from the friend I’d been talking to earlier. Again, he just cared so much about me that it amazed me.
Because of the two of them caring so much, the walls inside me broke down a little that night, and I started crying once I was alone. It was such a relief. I cried myself to sleep, and got up and went to work the next day feeling better, but still worried and hurting. While I was at work, I got a phone call from my best friend. She’d been talking to my friend whose brother has cancer, and had found out that her parents and brother who had been out of town to see doctors were coming home several days early. That made my friend so happy, and it made me happy, too.
Even the weather changed. For the last few days, it was all cold and cloudy, without giving the area any much needed moisture. When I walked home from work that day, it was warm and the sun was shining brightly. It was the perfect spring day. So now, I’m feeling worlds better. I’m still concerned for my precious friend, but her family is back right now, and she’s doing better. Right now I feel that sense of peace that can only come from God. He is so amazing and He puts the most wonderful people in our lives.
All I can say is, to my two wonderful friends who helped me(you both know who you are), and to my amazingly loving and wonderful God, thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you!